Kids’ Show Review

Good morning moms. I’ve wanted to do this post for a while and haven’t had an opportunity until now. As Dorian is getting older, he’s starting to show interest in more shows than just Mickey Mouse Club House. And as his mom, it’s my job to determine whether he’s allowed to watch it or not. 

So what do I look for in a show? I look for it to be age appropriate, like no violence and appropriate language for two year olds. I also look for it to have some sort of learning component, whether is social-emotional or cognitive (educational).

In this post I’m going to look at a few of the shows Dorian is into right now. In a few weeks, I’ll do another one.

For this post, though, I do want to stress that I encourage you not to just drop your kid in front of the tv. While I do totally understand the need for your toddler to be occupied enough for you to get a moment to yourself or to cook dinner, etc, I encourage you not to use the tv as a babysitter all the time. Occasionally, that’s fine. But, for the most part, I try to have enough attention open to my surroundings to occasionally give input or ask Dorian a question about the show to make sure his brain is actually engaged and he’s not just mindlessly zombified in front of a screen. I also encourage you not to have your child do something most of us (I’m totally guilty) do: have the tv on while we view another screen device. I don’t know about you, but I have felt like my attention span has gotten shorter since I started this terrible habit, and I don’t want that for my kid. 

Alright, now that the PSA is out of the way, here are some shows toddlers are obsessed with. 

Mickey Mouse Club House: This is my favorite because it’s the most nostalgic for me. My son has watched the entire series on Disney+ about three times. In this show, Mickey and friends live in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse world. They go about their days learning new things and having fun adventures that require ‘mousekatools’ to get through. Now, to the parents it looks stupid. Like…really stupid. But it does have some great learning going on in a way that truly appeals to kids. Especially if you’re showing that you are learning along with them and talking to them about the show. Mickey and friends teach kids to count, measure, identify colors, and problem solve. Some of the ways they problem solve seem, again, really obnoxious to adults. But for kids, I think it’s just teaching them how to think outside the box, which is great. However, I will tell you that there is an episode I skip almost every time because it makes me irrationally angry at the show. It’s in the first season and it’s the episode where Goofy builds a bird house for Baby Red Bird. Instead of cutting the four foot pole down by a foot, they stack the one foot pole and the two foot pole together and somehow attach it with nails while it’s laying on the ground. And that’s just too ludicrous for me. As a person who grew up working with wood, I can’t keep my mouth shut when that one comes on, so I just skip over it and let them do their kooky problem solving with other things. Like using a giant marshmallow to land on if they’re stuck somewhere high up.

Mickey Mouse Fun House: also on Disney+,This one is for the next stage of learning . Club House was the only thing I let my son watch when he was 18 months to about two years old. When Fun House came out, we tried it out and we loved it. Mickey and friends live in Hotdog Hills for this one (I think) and they take a flying roller coaster into a magical wood where they play with a humanoid house that can take them to different worlds to have fun. This show works on teaching social emotional skills to kiddos. It teaches things like not judging, trying new things, and not being afraid of the doctor. It’s a little bit older, there’s a little more judgment and higher thinking going on. So make sure your child is at the age where they can actually think about things like fear, differences between people’s thoughts, and emotions so they actually get something out of the show. Otherwise, it is a fun little show to just show them. My son absolutely loved the dragon in the first episode and still requests that one occasionally. 

PJ Masks: This show is on Disney+. I hate this show. There. I said it. Let me set this up for you. These three elementary school kids go through their daily life and come across something going wrong: art projects stollen, all the playground equipment gone, batteries missing, etc. Then, at night, when the moon is high and they’re just in their rooms doing their own thing (not sleeping) they have the same jammies on every night and hit their bracelets that they wear to transform into night time superheroes and save the day. I don’t understand how their parents don’t know they’re not in their beds. I don’t understand how these three elementary kids are functioning during the day when they’ve been up all night saving the world. And I don’t understand what childless creator came up with the phrase: Nighttime is the right time to fight crime. Phew. That being said, there are merits to the show. Each show centers around one of the characters not only having to stop an overtly bad guy (also a kid) from doing something that is wrong (stealing, trying to take over the world, etc), but also having to overcome something about themselves that is negatively affecting the mission. Whether that’s learning that being a good leader means listening to your teammates, or learning that who you are is better than anything “Flossy Flash” could do, or just being confident in yourself and your strengths. So I put up with it because it teaches Dorian how to be a better friend and person.

Spidey and his Amazing Friends:  This show is on Disney+ as well. This one centers around Spidey, Spin, and Ghost Spider with cameos by Ms. Marvel, Black Panther, and Hulk. They fight a female Doc Oc, Gobby (green goblin) and Rhino from doing kiddo bad guy stuff like changing summer to winter or ruining mother’s day by flooding the park, or just stealing ice cream and breaking things. OK, don’t judge me. I love this show. I say not to judge me because it’s like, the exact same concept as PJ Masks. Except they fight crime during the day. There are still issues like: How do the parents/aunt May not have any clue their kids are the Spidey group? How does nobody notice the GIANT Spidey headquarters that comes up out of the ground in the back of Aunt May’s house? But it has some more social emotional concepts that it teaches our kiddos. Like being patient, doing one thing at a time so you can get it done right, and not being afraid to ask for help if something is too much for you to handle on your own.

Cocomelon: This show is on Netflix. As much as I don’t like PJ Masks, I really really don’t like cocomelon. Cocomelon is a show about a family of five, mom, dad, older brother, sister, and baby. They live in a world where there are animals that are somewhat humanoid and able to interact with them. And everything that happens in this show is done through song. I’m very particular when it comes to animation and I honestly just hate the way this show is animated. The songs are repetitive. The children don’t act or sing or draw like children. They don’t have any talking. Like, I’m ok to listen to the songs. But something about them grates on my nerves. This show, I think, is very important for you to be watching with your child so you can talk about what’s going on since the characters themselves don’t actually talk. Words can get lost in songs. So it’s important for you to make sure your child is following along with the actual concepts of the show. And it’s literally just an hour of them singing songs. No real story line to the “episodes”. Some parents love it. And I just count myself lucky that my son doesn’t like it as much as this next show. (Side note to check the cocomelon keyboard at Target if you’re thinking of buying it. All of the keyboards at our Target were incorrectly tuned and I just cannot stand that.)

Blippi: This one can be found on a few different platforms. I think he has his own app. But there’s also a ton of episodes on Youtube that are just him, or him and his best friend Meekah, or Blippi’s Treehouse, or the animated Blippi Wonders. And then there’s a new actor playing Blippi on a Netflix series. Alright, that out of the way, I go back and forth on this one. There are episodes I really like, most of them actually. But there are some of his episodes where I think he’s forgotten what age he’s talking to. For those of you, like me, who were completely clueless as to what Blippi even is: my dad akins him to PeeWee Hermin. I don’t really remember PeeWee. But Blippi is the name of the character this man plays in his show that teaches children about the world around them. He is really good for what his branding is. Blippi likes to teach everything from how to play on play structures, to colors, to buoyancy, to dinosaurs. He teaches about fire trucks, police trucks, helicopters, planes, ambulances. He has a few episodes about how the police department works. He has episodes about tools and construction vehicles. I’m even watching an episode as I write this about business structure right now in the form of a lemonade stand. He has some really good episodes about farm to grocery stores and recycling. And one of my favorite episodes is when he visits an SPCA to look at adoptable animals and plays with them to teach kids about animals and how it’s important to adopt. So, while I struggle with the concept of an adult behaving the way a child would in public, I understand the appeal to kids of seeing someone showing curiosity and playing with things the way they would while also learning. And Blippi has a playlist on Spotify of all his songs. Some of his most catchy (the ones that get stuck in my head) are Animal Farm Noises, Excavator, Vacuum Truck, Dino Stomp, Dinosaur Song, and Boats.

Alrighty moms and dads. Hopefully this gave you some insight so you can decide for yourself what shows you are going to allow your kiddos to watch. Until next time. 

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood. 

Mom Guilt

Hey moms. This post is going to be short because I am still recovering from a writing conference I was lucky enough to attend. This last week I was fortunate enough to attend an online writing conference put on by the Women in Publishing Summit. But a lot of mom guilt surrounded my attendance.

Some of you will know from previous posts, or from reading my writing blog, that I have been working on a fantasy series for a few years now and I am actively looking to start pursuing that avenue for a career.

So when my mother bought me a writing conference, I was ecstatic. It was online through zoom sessions that were recorded and I would have access to all the videos after the fact. But I really wanted to attend in person. 

There is just something about being in community and actively attending these conferences that is so different than watching them after the fact. You can ask questions. You can connect with some of the other attendees and build community. (and I feel like I was able to build a GREAT community of writers)

But there was a lot of wondering what to do with Dorian while I was attending this. My mother-in-law, who usually watches him when I need someone, was attending her own event. My husband works. My sister-in-law was unable to come out to us to watch him, but said that if we could get him to her, she would do it. But then I was looking at him being out of his own environment and, worse, waking myself and him up at 4:00 am in order to get him down there and back here for the conference. 

Luckily, my parents, who live 20 minutes from my sister-in-law, said they could take him in the evenings and drop him off with her for the work day. 

But that brought even more mom guilt. 

Was it really worth it for him to be gone for 2-3 nights so I could do this conference?

The answer: 

I had to have a long talk with my therapist about how guilty I felt doing this conference and sending Dorian away and disrupting his entire schedule.

But, you know what he said? He said it was about time I prioritized myself instead of my son.

Because if something is really important to you, you need to go for it.

Mom guilt stops us from doing a lot of things. But it doesn’t need to.

Your child will be ok. Your relationship will be ok if you prioritize yourself every once in a while. There needs to be a balance and for a lot of moms, there isn’t any. The scales are outrageously skewed towards partners and babies, meanwhile we only have a feather in our scale. But we need to find balance. Prioritizing yourself for things that are important: self care, date nights, days off. That’s ok. 

JK Rowling was once approached about how she juggled being a mom and a writer. She said something to the effect of: everyone is holding all these balls and some are glass, and some are not. You just have to make sure you don’t drop the glass ones. 

This doesn’t mean that your children are always the glass ones or that your needs are always the plastic ones. Everyone has glass and plastic. 

Sending Dorian to spend a few days with his relatives is not going to break him. It’s not going to screw something up in him forever. But missing out on connecting with these female authors and entrepreneurs could have massively set me back and damaged my view of myself.

I am worth it.

Come on. Say it with me.

I am worth it.

You are worth taking time to pursue your dreams. And if you have a network of people figuring out how to offer you what you need (child care) so you can do it, go for it. They think you are worth it. They think you deserve this. So DO IT!

Alright, moms. That’s all the time I have for soapbox today. But I promise I’ll have a longer post next time.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

Resetting

Good morning moms! I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s Day last weekend.  

But, you know, speaking of Valentines Day and the romantic feelings and date nights that brings around, I wanted to talk about ways I unwind and decompress from my daily life of being a mom and find out from you: how do you unwind when you need a break?

Side note that if you happen to read my writing blog, this post will look really familiar. That’s because the same things that give me inspiration to write refuel me to be the best version of my mom self that I can be. And this past couple weeks I have found myself being the mom I always wanted to be, so I think it’s very important to talk about all these things that I focus on when I need a reset.

This last week was actually completely filled to the brim with fun things that gave me a break from being a mom and a chance to just be “Amanda”. I’ve started rediscovering who Amanda even is, and it has been a great journey. I even have found myself feeling way more relaxed with Dorian and much easier going and able to handle day to day stressors that used to really freak me out. And I’m going to start making more time to do these things that I love so I can continue working on this balance of being mom, wife, and Amanda.

So, without further ado: Here are 8 ways I am able to find rejuvenation when I can stop chasing my toddler for a while.

1. Listening to music.  Some of you will be aware that I am a writer, not just for this blog, but I’m working on a fantasy series and I’m hoping to start looking for an agent this year. Listening to music is very closely tied to my ability to write. So I love to listen to music. It unleashes my creativity (as long as it’s not Disney Jr playlists. Ugh.) If you work somewhere outside of where you live, you know that it takes about 5% of your brain power to make your commute every day. The other 95% can be thinking. Now, this gets a little harder when you are also trying to keep a toddler entertained or let him know you’re listening to him. Or when he adamantly insists on listening to Blippi,Cocomelon, or Disney Jr. playlist on Spotify. But in those rare moments of quiet, where just your music is playing, that’s amazing. I also make sure that Dorian knows that when I’m cooking, I listen to my music. He’s discovering he likes my music (eminem, civil wars, nightwish, evanescence, 2k alt) so he’ll dance along now. So it is possible to take a break and rejuvenate with your toddler at home. Just have a dance party in the kitchen!

2. Cooking. I have recently discovered, through the Five Love Languages test, that the way I both show and receive love is through acts of service. Now, this isn’t acts of service like building a house (though I do love to do that). This is things like cleaning house and making someone’s favorite meal or doing anything I can to make their lives easier when it’s rough going. So this last weekend I had my eighth annual Galentines with a few girls from my college days. It started out when I was the only one with a boy friend, but he lived an hour and a half away and worked on Valentines or the day after, so I decided to spoil my girls instead. It just became tradition after that to meet at someone’s house for a get together. And I just love cooking and baking, so I can’t help but make a ton of food. But it also helps me unwind. It’s something I truly love doing. Baking bread, cookies, tweaking cake recipes. Making savory dishes and coming up with new ways to revamp my favorites. It’s really therapeutic for me. And this last week I went all out on a day I was completely by myself in the kitchen. And this last weekend Dorian was with his grandparents and Devin was working, so I was able to put something on the tv and cook to my hearts content all by myself in my kitchen. It was kind of a breath of fresh air. I felt exhausted, but totally rejuvenated.

3. Painting. Unlike writing, listening to music, and cooking, which seem to come naturally to me, I am not artistically inclined. If asked to draw a person, it will vaguely resemble a person. If asked to draw an animal, I will do my best, but it will look pretty awful as well. But one thing I really love doing is painting. For me, painting doesn’t really require rules, which is why I do it with my toddler a lot. And it might not look the best, but no one else has to see it. I also really like doing paint by numbers, because I don’t have to think about what I’m painting, I just follow the instructions. It’s very mindless and therapeutic. My favorite painting adventure from this last week, though, was a sip n’ paint date with my husband and his family. It was really fun to see how everyone’s turned out different, and it was really fun to be going through the adventure together. This whole experience was one of just sheer joy. Specifically for relaxation and not thinking about any of the duties we may hold. Whether it’s a job, childcare, cooking, writing. This was just to relax, have fun, and reset. And it was a great reset. A great clearing of the mind of any crap that didn’t need to be in there. 

4. Reading. Reading is as essential to me as anything else in my life. I love to read. And it’s the first thing to fall by the wayside when I’m overwhelmed or busy. But it’s something that is very important to do, for me. Reading fantasy and fiction offers a sense of release and escapism. Right now my book club (me, my dad, and my brother) is reading In Cold Blood. I will admit that this book has caused me to double check the locks and make sure the alarm is set every night. But it is a very well written book and was really enjoyable to read. Now that I have finished it (because once I get into a book I have a hard time putting it down) I am reading Heartless by Marissa Meyer, one of my favorite authors for her retellings of classic fairy tales in new, beautiful ways. But I am also reading a nonfiction book, a self help book given to me by my mother. It’s called After the Rain by Alexandra Elle. So, what I have started doing is: I wake up about a half hour before Dorian’s light turns green, allowing him to get up for the day. I use this time to sit out on the couch in the still quiet of the morning to read a chapter out of my ‘self help’ book and reflect on what I’ve read. After the Rain has been really beneficial so far because she talks about making the choice to change and how that can be scary. She also has talked about self love, something I (and a lot of people, ie moms) struggle with. And while Dorian is away I focus on him. But when Devin and I get ready for bed, we spend an hour in bed with the tv off and phones away to read, to rest our brains and get them ready for sleep. In this time I read either the book my book club is reading, or one of the books from my massive piles (boxes) of unread books that I’ve bought myself over the years. In this way, I have devoted the first half hour of the day and the last half hour to hour of the day to myself. To just being me. Focusing on bettering myself or allowing myself a little escapism. And I think that is very important for parents to do. Your child is your everything. But you need to give yourself something too. And by giving yourself the first and last thirty minutes of the day, you are showing yourself love and grace, which allows you to be a better person throughout the day.

5. Play video games. Now, I’m not what some people would term a “real gamer”. I don’t do mmo or shooter games or anything like that. I play video games for the storyline. Like, if fights are too hard, or it’s a fighting style I don’t like (like turn based), I will just watch a playthrough on youtube because I don’t play for the fights, I play for the story. (honestly life as a mom is stressful enough, I don’t need to add a stressful hobby to it). So I play games like Pokemon, the Tales series, Fable (I love 2-3 because you can’t die), lego games, and Kingdom Hearts. Those are my jam. The last couple weeks I’ve been focused on playing Pokemon Legends: Arceus for Switch. It’s super fun and completely different from the previous pokemon games. I’m really excited about it. These give me a brain break. It’s a complete break from thinking. And I like doing games like pokemon if I’m going to be playing while Dorian is napping because it’s really easy to just turn the game off when he’s up from his nap. I don’t have to find save points or wait for cut scenes (for the most part). So I don’t feel like I’m being robbed of anything when he does wake up and I have to stop playing.

6. Date Night. Date nights are not only important for you and your partner, they are also important for your child. By having date nights, you are modeling for your child what a healthy relationship looks like. You are modeling the prioritization of your relationship and the person you are in a relationship with. When I was talking to Dorian about how he was going to go stay the night with Nonna and Papa he asked why. I told him mommy and daddy were going to go on a date. Why? (Don’t you just love the ‘why’ phase?) I told him, because mommy and daddy love each other and we need to make time to be together. Why? So we can grow our relationship, reconnect, and relax (and binge watch all three John Wick movies.) Whether you go out on a date or stay at home, I think the most important thing is to feel connected to each other. If you’re struggling with that, consider having both you and your partner take the 5 languages of love quiz to find out what your love language is. If you’re not familiar with the concept of love languages, it’s basically looking at the way you both express love, and the way you receive love. They could be different, or the same. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts. The way I both give and receive love is through acts of service (as I said before) but my husband’s is physical touch. Now, physical touch doesn’t always mean in a sexual way. When we were talking about ways we could focus on the other person’s love language throughout the week, Devin talked about holding hands, cuddling while we watched tv, and spontaneously rubbing his neck. For me, I feel loved most when Devin takes care of things around the house so I don’t have to. Cleaning the kitchen, finishing projects we’ve started, telling me to go take a break while he takes care of Dorian and dinner. A close second love language that we have in common is quality time. And to me that means talking. I need to talk in order to feel connected to someone. So Devin and I always have some of our most interesting conversations on date night. And if you don’t know what to talk about, think you know everything about your partner because you’ve just been together so long there’s a ton of great ideas and lists on pinterest of questions you maybe have never thought to ask before.

7. Hanging out with family. This last weekend was the superbowl and we were all over at my mom’s house to watch it. And I tried to explain football to my very curious son while I only possess a rudimentary understanding of it, so that was fun (and full of ‘why’). But it was really fun to see the way we all interact together. How relaxed we can all be together and just know that we are allowed to be ourselves. It’s like a social interaction that doesn’t feel as overwhelming and draining as a real social interaction. Which is great, as an introvert. Especially when what I really need is a break from thinking. But, you know, in a room with my dad, conversations will always easily steer towards books or stories or what we’re writing. Especially since he is my chief advisor and editor. I could sit and talk to my dad about books and my book and all his own stories all day. 

8. Watching TV. Now, I don’t watch tv with storylines very often. In fact, I only really watch those kinds of shows with my husband at the end of the day because if I start something interesting, it’s really hard for me not to binge through it. And during the day I’m regaled by Blippi, Mickey Mouse Club House, Spidey and His Amazing Friends, and whatever else Disney Jr can throw at my toddler. But during Dorian’s nap I put on HGTV. I love learning about how to renovate, and I love renovating my own house. But I love watching the process of taking a house and turning it into the best version of itself. Unfortunately for my husband, it usually results in a huge list of projects to do around the house.

Like I said, my week was pretty packed. But it was packed full of things that I love to do. And even though I felt exhausted by it, I felt rejuvenated. And I have been able to be the best version of mom that I can be. I have been calmer, less agitated, slower to anger. I have been able to show my son compassion and understanding. Because it is easier to give a little to someone else when your own cup is filled to the brim. 

I would encourage you, moms dads and guardians, to try something on this list to rejuvenate and fill your own cup so you have more to give to your kids when they need it.

So, now I’m really curious: what do you do to unwind or rejuvenate? Leave a comment so myself and others can try it out too!

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

Toddler Bed Training

Good morning, my fabulous group of moms and dads. If your kiddo is in the same age range as mine, you might be looking at moving them into a toddler bed. And if you’re anything like me, you’re likely terrified to do it. Maybe you have no idea what to expect or where to start. So I wanted to make this post about my experience transitioning my son into a toddler bed. But, my experience was VASTLY different from two of my friends’ experiences, so I wanted to include theirs as well in order to not frighten you as much.

Now, like I said, each person’s experience is going to be different because each kiddo is different. Some of you reading this will likely think me to be a monster for some of the tactics I use. And some of you will totally get where I’m coming from.

To set this up, let me introduce the mothers featured in this blog to you.

Jessa is a friend who is my age. I grew up with her since the sixth grade and we overlapped in pregnancy for a few months. Her little girl is 6 months older than my son, the same age difference as Jessa and myself, actually. Jessa is currently pregnant with their second child, a boy and is a special education teacher at the high school level after working with elementary and middle school. (Note that her answers stop midway through. That is because in the midst of working on this post, she went into premature labor and gave birth to her beautiful son. But her answers are not very different from Kaitlin’s.)

I met Kaitlin through Jessa, and Jessa met Kaitlin at college when Kaitlin became Jessa’s big sister in their sorority. Kaitlin’s daughter just turned 4 and has a little brother who is one and a half. Kaitlin is also a special education teacher.

So without further ado, here is a Q and A with myself and two of my good friends who are also moms. 

Q: How old was your child when you transitioned them to a toddler bed?

Jessa: I transitioned my daughter to a toddler bed when she was 2 and a half.

Kaitlin: We transitioned our daughter a little before 2 and a half years old- she was about 2 years and 3 months. 

Amanda: Dorian was 2 and a couple months. We transitioned just after Christmas this year.

Q: Why did you decide to make the transition?

Jessa: She had shown the ability to climb in and out of her crib. We also are expecting our second baby soon and wanted to transition her before his arrival. 

Kaitlin: There were a few reasons:

1. we had already started potty training and she was doing well during the day (we didn’t potty train at night right away). We wanted her to be in her toddler bed and comfortable before potty training at night 
2. We were also expecting a second and we wanted her to make the transition before the baby was born. 

We felt transitioning her at this time staggered the amount of changes and learning she had to do at once. 

Amanda: I transitioned him because he was starting to climb out of the crib and onto the changing table. We probably could have just taken off the changing table, but he was doing it because he wanted to go to the bathroom. So we figured this was as good a time as any to change the crib.

Q: How did you prepare your child to transition into a toddler bed and how long did you spend preparing them before you actually made the transition?

Jessa; My daughter started sleeping on a cot at daycare when she was two successfully. She slept on a travel cot during some trips a few months before the transition. We were confident in her ability to sleep on a toddler bed. The switch to her new “big girl” bed happened all in one day. The new bed was delivered at the door and we told her there was a surprise for her. We really hyped it up and celebrated the new bed. That evening she “helped” her dad put the bed together. She helped move the crib into baby brother’s room and was excited to be giving it to him. Once the bed made she picked out which stuffed animals got to be in her new bed and was very proud. 

Kaitlin: She had been napping at a cot at daycare for awhile, but otherwise we didn’t do too much transition. We showed her the bed before we bought it and told her that was her big girl bed. Once it arrived and she saw the box she was excited to have hee big girl bed. We bought her new sheets that we knew she’d like, and so once it was set up in her room she was excited to sleep in it. She had stuffed animals and blankets and loved it! 

Amanda: We started talking about it maybe a week before we transitioned. Mostly it was me telling him that the way he showed me he was ready for a toddler bed was to stay in his crib without climbing out (trying to keep him safe). I showed him a picture of a toddler bed and we went to Target to pick out some big boy sheets and a blanket special for his toddler bed. His crib changes into a toddler bed and all the way up to a twin, so we didn’t have much to do. But his dad changed it while we were gone one day, so when he came home it was all done and he got to help me make the bed and set it up.

Q: What were some anxieties you had about the transition?

Kaitlin: I was worried she would get up (to play) instead of staying in bed to sleep. Worried about her waking early and coming into our room. That was pretty much it. Wasn’t worried about much else yet because we hadn’t night time potty trained so I wasn’t worried about accidents or anything. 

Amanda: I was really worried about him staying in bed. He had never had a situation where he wasn’t in a crib or pack n play before. I was also really worried that he would fall out. Or that he would come out of his room a lot. My kid moves around A LOT in bed. So, I was overall just worried about him not settling in to go to sleep.

Q: How did the first night go?

Kaitlin: first night went great. She loved it and was so excited! \\

Amanda: It was terrible. Awful. Seriously. By the next morning I told Devin (my husband) that if it wasn’t any better the next night, even by a hair, we were switching back to a crib. He was up so much and so often that we actually put a child lock on his side of the doorknob so he couldn’t come out. Before that we tried nothing. Then a baby gate, then putting the ottoman in front of the baby gate. Nothing worked. And it was a hugely fun game for him to be up and out and around, opening the door, running down the hall, turning on and off his light. So we put the knob baby lock on (which he now knows how to open) and switched his light off on the cord so he can’t turn it on. But he still fell out of bed three times. Called for me multiple times and was basically awake from midnight until 3am. It was awful, I tell you. AWFUL. But that’s why we chose to do it on a weekend. So we could take shifts. Or at the very least someone could get up with him while I slept.

Q: How long did it take before you felt like they were really transitioned fully?

Kaitlin: She transitioned well pretty much right away? She occasionally cried or called out for us, but that wasn’t really new- she had done that occasionally with her crib. 

Amanda: The second night he slept all the way through without waking up even once. Right now we’re dealing with him having an issue going down. He wants to get up and go to the bathroom fifteen times once we start trying to get ready for bed. But once he’s down, he sleeps all night. Sometimes I find him on the floor in the morning. Sometimes I find him feet up in his bed. But as long as he’s sleeping, I don’t really care how he does it.

Q: Any tricks or tips you’ve used to keep them in bed or even in their room?

Kaitlin: Red Light/Green light night light. We love it- still use it- and it’s really helped keep her in bed/in her room. From the first night she slept in her big bed we used this light and she took to it right away. We incorporated it into our nighttime routine, she sets the alarm and we remind her that red means stay in bed. If it’s red she needs to call for mommy or daddy if she needs something. If she wakes up and it’s sunny but the red light is on she can play quietly in her room until it turns green. We use this light at nap time too- she has to stay in bed while it’s red and mommy and daddy say it’s ok. 

The best thing I can say is establish a routine and stick to it and your routine. Like we still have a bedtime routine, turn on night light, play music, turn on red light alarm- and we did a lot of teaching at first. And of course reinforcing when they do a good job. 

(Also we continued to use the red light through potty training- the new rule was that if you go potty you can leave your room to go, then you just go back- and she did a great job with that new rule). Now that she’s older we have moved the green light a little later which gives her some time in the morning to play before waking us up early in the morning. 

Amanda: Like I said: we had to resort to a child proof doorknob on his side of the door, though he is now showing that he’s able to turn the knob even with it on. But we also use a Hatch Rest sound machine with the ability to do the red light when it’s time for him to be sleeping and the green light when it’s ok for him to get out of bed. To kind of work with him on this, before his first night in bed we made a little game out of it. Devin would turn the light red and Dorian would hop into bed. Then we would turn the light green and Dorian knew he could get out. We also constantly remind him when he’s having a hard time settling in for the night, “Red means stop! Stay in bed. Green means, GO ahead and get out of bed.” So now he gets so excited when he sees that his light is green. His cute little voice says, “Hey! It’s green! It’s time to wake up now!” 

I know reading this can put you into an anxiety attack wondering what your own child is going to do. So I have a few suggestions to leave you with: do it when you can have support the next day in case it goes terribly. And just go with the flow. They will learn. It may happen the first night. It may take two weeks. But it will happen if you stick with it and set boundaries. They will learn and so will you. Breathe, mama. It’ll be fine.

Good luck.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

2022 Family Centered Resolutions

When I think about resolutions and goals for the year 2022 (or any new year, really) I don’t really think about anyone besides myself. That is, I didn’t, until I got a five year mom journal that asked me what my resolution for my family was this year.

Now, I got this in the year 2020, so I’ve had a couple years of setting resolutions for my family, and it’s been the same, every year: Have adventures.

Unfortunately with COVID shutting down the country for a year and shutting down my county for even longer, I haven’t really been able to take those adventures. But we finally are to the point where I think we can actively look for adventures to have.

It’s important to set resolutions for your family, no matter what your family looks like, because otherwise you kind of just go through each year with no real focus, and the years we have should be lived to the fullest, don’t you think?

Just like it’s important for you to set resolutions or goals for yourself so you know what you want to work on, it’s important for your family life as well. And I kind of want to talk about both aspects of goal setting: individual and family goals, so you can be the best you and get the most enjoyment from your family yet.

Now, my mom recently read a book or listened to a podcast or something that had a great idea for those of us who really struggle with the term ‘resolution’ and the implementation of that.

The idea she told me was, instead of making resolutions, say goodbye to the things you want to leave in 2021 and hello to the things you want to actively pursue in your life in 2022. 

I can hear you asking me, dear exhausted moms, ‘well how does that work? I can’t just say goodbye to the messiness of motherhood and hello to being a totally on top of it mom all the time who never loses her ever loving mind.’

I know. I have the same issue. But there are things we can actively work on saying goodbye and hello to that will help us with the endeavor to stop mom raging (at least as often). And it’s important to remember that you are a work in progress. You are striving to achieve a goal. You’re not going to succeed automatically just because you have decided to say hello to something. 

 (Definitely going to check out this site)

For example: I have decided to say ‘goodbye’ to my rage non management by practicing the tools my therapist has given me. And I have decided to say ‘hello’ to approaching my son’s behaviors from a compassionate view. 

Now, it may not seem like these two are related. But, for me, they are very closely related. Just last week I had a complete rage meltdown where I had to go for a run right before Dorian’s bed time because his behaviors were pissing me off so much that I had to get out of the house and not be around him anymore. And, I am embarrassed to admit, I hated my kid in that moment. I could remember that I didn’t hate him earlier in the day. And I remembered loving him and enjoying his company. But his behavior had been building up all day. Throwing things just around the house or at me. Screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason or to terrorize the animals. Hitting me. Just generally not listening. And then at dinner he was getting very entertained by my mounting anger and my attempts to put him in time out. And then he threw a dog toy at me and broke my irreplaceable crystal wine glass (irreplaceable because the winery no longer makes the wine that is labeled on the glass). 

I completely lost it.

I tried going outside, but I seriously needed something destructive or physically punishing to do (which is why I’m looking to invest in a punching bag). So I told Devin I was leaving and I would be gone until I felt like I could be in the house without screaming or breaking anything. 

After a block I was still so mad I couldn’t breathe. So I called my dad because, in all honesty, I get my anger management from him, so I knew he would understand. And he did. And he talked with me and empathized with me until I calmed down enough to think clearly. 

That’s when I realized that we had made a MAJOR change to our house that day: Dorian and I took down Christmas. Once I realized that his behaviors were his way of processing that major change, I wasn’t angry anymore. Instead I felt bad that he was dealing with such big emotions that all he could do was act out (I will talk more about this in a future post where we learn to identify the WHY behind your child’s behaviors).

See, my rage and my ability to look at my child’s problem behaviors from a compassionate standpoint are very intricately entwined.

So, I challenge you to see if there’s something you personally need to say goodbye or hello to for this year to make you a better parent and person. And then you can get into the fun stuff: family goals.

Your family goal doesn’t have to be something fun. It could be something practical, like eating out less or going on walks together. These focus on health and money, but also focus on family time, and I think it’s really important that your family goals focus on family time.

Eating out less could be accompanied by having one meal a day (or a week depending on how old your kids are and how busy everyone’s schedules are) at the dinner table, or one meal a week that the whole family gets in the kitchen to help with. 

Going on walks together is already centered on spending time together. Getting out and just being together with no electronics.

Or you could go a little bigger. My goal for the last three years, finally coming to fruition this year: adventures.

But it has to be specific. I think part of the reason I did not succeed the way I wanted to the last couple years is because I didn’t have a concrete plan. I just wanted to go on adventures together, as a family.

And when I say family, I mean the core. Me, my husband, and our child. Maybe our dog if that’s an option. And if others join in on our adventure, that’s fine. But my focus is my core family.

But the last couple of years, I’ve failed miserably. When making a goal, you want it to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. SMART goals.

The last couple years, I just had the thought that whenever an opportunity arose we would go on an adventure together, spontaneous, or vacation, or anything. And so they failed.

And this year I made it a SMART goal: Specific and measurable: 12 family adventures this year at one family adventure a month. Attainable: COVID is less of an issue now, and I have more of an idea of what we can do without being around other people. Realistic: 12 outings in a year is definitely monetarily and availability doable. And time bound: one a month for 12 months.

Adventures mean different things to different people. But for me, it mostly means doing something fun and out of the house together. Something more than just going to the park together. We do that a lot.

For example, I still have no idea what we’re doing in January, but I’m thinking of going to a train museum close to us (different from the Sacramento Train Museum, but part of the same tracks.)

In February we are going to the snow for the first time. (I mean Dorian’s first time). So we’re going to go stay with my grandparents and have two cars, one for my brother and husband to go up to the ski lodge and go snowboarding and one for me to take Dorian and our dog to see the snow and then go back to the house whenever we’re ready. That way I’m not stuck in a ski lodge with my two year old all day.

In March I want to go to a place in Sacramento called Fairy Tale Town which is like a great big park with all these fairy tale themed structures. I think he’ll have a blast.

In the summer we have plans to go camping and I want to take him to a great trail and lake here called Lake Chabot. It has a beach and great trails to hike and run on.

Other ideas I have that I don’t know when we’re going to do yet are Pier 39 in San Francisco, water parks, and we’ve been in talks about going to Monterey for a weekend to take Dorian to the aquarium.

Like Lake Chabot, your adventures don’t have to be lavish, over the top, or even expensive. They don’t have to cost ANYTHING if you can find trails and public water parks to take your child to. You could drive to the nearest beach (if you live near one). And all it will cost you is gas and food. Or, like we’re doing in February, take your child to the snow. It’s always an adventure. All you have to do is drive. The only reason we’re staying the night is so Devin and my brother can snowboard all day. But if all you’re doing is sledding or just introducing your child to the snow, that’s great!

If you live near any national parks, take them there. The Oregon Trail outposts and museums, any kind of museum (as long as your child is old enough to actually appreciate it. We still have a couple years on that). Monuments usually have parks near them. Go kayaking. Go out on a boat. Heck, put a tent in the backyard and make smores in the microwave. 

Anything can be an adventure if you make it one. The point is to just spend time doing something unique and fun as a family. Because I think that brings us closer together and fosters a genuine enjoyment of each other.

What about you? What are your goals for your family this year?

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

Discipline and Toddlers

As we enter the new year of 2022 and say goodbye to a super stressful 2021, a lot of parents are struggling with their new toddlers (it’s me. I’m a lot of parents.) especially as they gain opinions and the stubbornness to oppose you adamantly.

One thing that I think a lot of parents (including me) struggle with is: How do I discipline my toddler?

Even if you figure out how to discipline your toddler, how do you keep a level head while doing it?

I used to be an ABA therapist (A therapist who worked in-home with autistic children practicing Applied Behavioral Analysis) and a substitute teacher and I was able to keep calm when kids were being naughty or oppositional. Unfortunately, I have not had a great amount of luck administering the same nonchalant attitude with my own child and I think it’s because those other kids weren’t my problem. With ABA, I could tell them, ‘no, try again’ or ‘do you need a break? Say, break’ and they became their parents’ problem. And with my students it was a very simple matter of, ‘you can do your work in here and respect me and your classmates, or you can go into the office and explain to the principal why you couldn’t stay in class with us.’

I can’t do that with my own kid. He’s my problem. And he definitely knows what buttons to push to get me over the edge. It doesn’t help that my toddler thinks it’s hilarious when I get angry enough to yell. It turns it into a game and suddenly I’m fighting the urge to just spank him.

I was never spanked as a child and my husband and I both agree that spanking is not something that will happen in our house. But, more importantly, spanking should never happen when you are angry. Not only are you teaching your child that hitting is an acceptable form of expressing anger, you cannot possibly control your strength or rationale when you are angry.

Before we get into the details of discipline and what is appropriate, I want to talk about ways to promote success for your child so that you don’t have to discipline in the first place.

My first piece of advice is this: let them control what they can.

There are things in life that you can’t control. There are things your child will not be able to control. But I firmly believe that a lot of behavior problems (especially if you have a child with a trauma background) stem from the lack of control in their own lives. So let them have control without relinquishing the reins to their lives. 

For example: when you are trying to get out of the house and you need them to put their shoes on, putting shoes on is not an option, that is not something they get to control. But what they can control is where they put their shoes on. I try to start getting my son ready fifteen minutes to a half hour before we need to leave (see my post on eliminating hurry from your life) so we have enough time for him to control certain things. I will ask him, “where do you want to sit to put your shoes on, kiddo?” and he gets to choose where to sit. It doesn’t take that long and it’s a little bit of control in his daily life.

If he starts getting ornery and will not put his pants on, I give him two options there as well: “are you going to help me get your pants on or is mommy going to have to do it by herself?” This plays on a toddler’s innate desire to do everything themselves and he usually says that he wants to help. 

There’s also the ongoing struggle of getting your toddler to go where you want them to go. Like to the bathroom or to their bedroom for a nap. Toddlers are very stubborn when it comes to going where they don’t want to go. But I have a pretty neat trick for that too: “Dorian, you can walk to the bathroom or mommy can carry you, which one do you want to do?” He usually decides he would rather be independent and walk there.

But, when you give choices between two things, you have to be ok with whichever option they choose. If he decides he wants me to carry him, I carry him. Because that’s the option I gave him and he chose it. So I can’t really be upset about it. Did I want him to make that choice? No. But it was one of the options. So DO NOT give choices you are not planning on honoring. 

Now, there will be times when your toddler is just too wound up to make any kind of decisions. This sucks. But it is a part of life.

The first thing to  do is make sure you state exactly what you expect from your child. As adults, we understand that when a name is said in an angry tone it means to stop whatever the heck you’re doing. Toddlers don’t have this filter yet, they can’t infer. So you have to tell them, “Dorian, stop.” (a tip I recently got from his gymnastics instructor is to use “freeze” instead of stop, because for some reason they are more likely to respond to that word.) Or whatever direction you are trying to give them. 

When Dorian is too amped up to listen, we have a counting system. I use the same counting to indicate we’ll be done with something soon, so I try not to make my voice angry when I’m doing it. Just neutral because the counting down means we’re all done with what we were doing and are going to do something else now. 

In the case of discipline, the counting means, you need to be all done with your issues and do the thing mommy said to do. So I will tell him, “Dorian, you can pick those up (he always throws my kitchen towels on the floor) or you can go in time out. Five, four, three, two, one.” This gives him control over which choice he makes, but he will have to deal with the consequences of his choice.

Sometimes my toddler is an extra big jerk and it both frustrates me and makes me laugh when he chooses to go in time out. Like, he legitimately says, “um, I go in time out.” And then walks over to his time out area. Stinker. It may be that he knows he needs to regulate himself and needs a break to do that. But at this age I think mostly it’s that he’s just a stinker.

But, that was his choice. So I try really hard not to get mad about it.

Now for the actual discipline. 

In our house discipline means time out. We don’t always go through all those steps until we get to time out. If he hits or throws things at people or animals, it’s an automatic time out. But time out isn’t only used as a chastisement. 

Time out is not used to belittle our children or embarrass them or make them feel like they are less because they have disappointed you or done something wrong. 

Time out may make us feel better because we are ‘punishing’ our child for doing something wrong. But the real point of time out is to give your child a place and time to decompress and calm down.

Time out is a time for both you and your child to take a deep breath and regulate yourself so you can be effective and calm when you communicate your needs and feelings. Like a time out in a game when the coaches and players have to figure out how to make the next play. That’s all a time out is. Unfortunately, two year olds aren’t as good at figuring that out as we are.

In order to reset, though, your child is going to need a designated space for time out.

It needs to be in a place where there is little visual stimulation and no toys. Some people have a specific chair that is only used for time out. Other people use a time out tent. The child can make it comfy or put books in it. 

Why books, but not toys? I hear you ask. Well, because children who like to read books on their own are usually calmed by the books. Toys tend to stimulate the mind instead of calm it.

We have conversations with Dorian before we put him in time out about what is going to happen. We make special assurance to let him know we are not going to talk to him during time out, but that we will talk to him as soon as the time out is over. We also have a timer set for a specific time. Sometimes we use our phone’s timers, but I don’t always have my phone on me, so I use my google speaker. Unfortunately, when I’m angry and telling Google to set a two minute timer, it doesn’t understand me. Luckily, the one in his room through a closed door somehow understands me so then I have two timers going off at different times. 

Now, we have to stand near him because he doesn’t want to stay in time out and won’t if we aren’t blocking access to the rest of the house. 

If you find yourself in this same position, the important thing to remember is to not give any attention to their behaviors. It they start kicking the wall, just ignore it. If they try to leave, in a very flat voice, say, ‘no’ and put them back in place. 

Remember, as well, that you are not supposed to be watching them like a hawk. I choose to look at a spot against the back wall where I can see him peripherally, but he doesn’t know I’m watching him. It’s even better if your child has the discipline to not need you to stand guard.

The last thing is to have a set time that your child will be in time out. The general consensus is that a child can do timeout for one minute for every year old they are. So my two year old sits for two minutes before we talk to him. 

If he tries to talk to me while he’s in time out, I just do the deep breathing I’ve taught him to do to calm down. It helps keep me calm as well since discipline and the events leading up to disciplining my child are really stressful for me. 

When timeout is over, I kneel down so I’m eye level with him so we can debrief about why he was in time out and what we should do differently next time to avoid time out.

If acknowledgement or an apology are needed, you will have to talk your two year old through it and prompt them. They are not going to have the thoughts by themselves at this point, they need to be “trained” to have those thoughts. 

It has become exceedingly important, for me especially, to make sure I am completely apathetic and calm during this entire process. So, if you find yourself getting super ramped up by their behavior, you may be giving them too many chances. My husband and I realized that the reason I kept getting so upset is that I would tell Dorian over and over not to do something and I would never follow through with any kind of threat or discipline.

The way we changed our own behaviors to set Dorian up for success and limit my overwhelming anger at being disrespected by a two year old (I know, it sounds dumb when you phrase it that way, doesn’t it?) was to basically give him two chances. The first time he does something I don’t like, i.e. not picking up my kitchen towels from the floor, I tell him, “Dorian, you need to pick those up or go in time out.” I am giving him two choices, just like I do with most other things. He’s completely in control of whether or not he goes in time out. I then count down from five. “Five….four….three….If you don’t pick up the towels you will go in time out, two…one.” If he has not at least picked the towels up by the time I get to one, I tell him, “OK. time for time out.” We set a timer for two minutes and he has to stay in time out until the timer goes off. Sometimes it helps him if we have the timer on our phone and he can see the numbers counting down. When timeout is over, I get down on one knee and say. “Look at mommy, bud. Do you understand why you were in time out?” This usually gets no response because he doesn’t have the cognition to respond to a question like that yet. So I then ask, “Did you pick up mommy’s towels like I asked? Or did you choose not to pick them up.” 

After that I usually get, “I not pick them up, mom.” 

To which I respond, “And do you think that was a nice thing to do, or was it a not nice thing to do?” 

“I wanna be nice, mom.” 

“You’re ready to be nice and try again?” 

“Yeah, I want try again.”  

“OK, bud. Let’s try again. Do you want to try to hang up the towels by yourself, or do you want to hand them to mommy?” I give him this choice because he is still completing the original task I needed him to do: Pick the towels up off the floor. But now he has two clear options of what to do with them after he picks them up. And, honestly, this is so important to me that I will continue putting him in time out until he decides to pick up the towel.

It is important that your child cleans up or does the task they were refusing to do because otherwise they will learn that all they have to do is refuse long enough and they will get out of it. 

I’m not going to pretend that I have all my ducks in a row and I’m not going to tell you that having all this information will make you a super on-top-of-it parent who never loses their cool. Cuz if it does, you’re stronger than me, and I’m using this information wrong. This is all just to help you build your tool box so that when you do lose your cool, it actually means something to your child instead of it just being your default for anything that goes wrong.

Believe me, I know that toddlers are masters at testing patience and pushing boundaries. But hopefully the steps I’ve provided will help ease some of that tension. It doesn’t always work for me, but I have found myself a lot friendlier and calm as a mom when I follow the plan as I’ve detailed.

Hang in there, mamma. You got this.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

Chores for Toddlers

As our children get older and more independent, us parents start anxiously counting down the days until the moment we don’t have to clean the kitchen anymore and instead we can ruin our teenagers’ lives with dish duty after dinner. 

But, that thought starts sprouting some other thoughts. Chore charts. Allowances. And how to actually prepare your child for dish duty. Because springing dish duty on a thirteen year old who has never done a chore in her life is not going to end well.

So, where do you start? And when?

Start when they are born.

I know, that sounds harsh. Let me explain.

In school, we learn through a method summarized as: I do, we do, you do.

Keeping this method in mind, and keeping in mind California’s “talk, read, sing”, talk to your infant while you do the chores you’re doing. Tell them what you’re doing. This helps them learn about the world around them, but also normalizes the things you’re doing. Have them in the bouncer next to the dishwasher as you load it and label the things you’re putting in: plate, fork, cup, etc. Or wear them while you do laundry and tell them how you’re doing it, “we take the dirty clothes and put them in the washer, now we fill it with soap. Then we push the start button, and there we go! The clothes are going to get clean!” SO exciting.

Then, when they’re a little bit older they can start doing things to help you with your chore, like stirring things when you cook, or putting the silverware in the dishwasher. And still label them as you hand it to them, or if they’re handing it to you to put away. “Oh! That’s a mommy fork. Oh, and that’s a Dorian fork. Dorian’s spoon. NO! No knives! Owie baby!” (Try to get the knives out before the baby helps you put them away.)

And if there are chores your child wants to help with that they just aren’t big enough to do yet, tell them, “mommy’s going to do it right now, but this will be your job when you’re bigger.” And if they can help in any way, let them. For instance, we have a dog and whenever we go to play in the backyard, we pick up the poop so there are no land mines for the kiddo to run through or face plant in. Dorian has gotten really good at finding the poop and telling us we need to clean it up. The problem is he wants to be the one to clean it up, but he just isn’t big enough to handle the rake and shovel yet. So I tell him that I’ll be handling that part until he’s bigger, but for now, he can help me find the poop so I can pick all of it up. This has a few functions: it keeps him out of my way, it prepares him that it’ll be his job when he’s older, and it helps give him a skill he’s going to need in order to do it later, i.e. finding the poop.

And then, when they are even older (2, because that’s the age I’m working with right now) they should be able to really begin to help you with some chores.

Right now, Dorian really likes to help me with the laundry. So I let him take the clothes out of the hamper to put into the washer, or transfer it from the washer to dryer (it’s a lot easier for them to help with this if you have a front loading washer.) If you have a top load washer and front load dryer, you can take the clothes out of the washer and hand them to your child to put into the dryer. I handle the soap and fabric softener since it’s liquid (but if it was a tablet, he could throw it in) and then I pick him up to let him push the buttons.

He’s also gotten independent enough to help me put away dishes and help me load the dishwasher (and stubborn enough to insist on being naked). He’s not so interested in loading the dishwasher, he’s more into putting silverware away (and   that’s ok with me because I HATE putting dishes away). So while I’m putting away things like plates and bowls which are up high, Dorian grabs the silverware and uses his steps to get up to the drawer they go in. He even puts them in the right slots. This is actually helping him with basic math skills. I know, putting silverware away helps prepare him for math???? But it really does. Matching is a basic math skill. And when he’s putting the silverware into the right slots it’s because he’s matching what’s in his hand to what is already in the drawer. See, learning is all around.

He also has the added chore of feeding the dog breakfast and dinner. (Forgive all the naked baby butts. We’ve had a lot of ‘no pants’ days lately as he’s getting more and more ready for hard core potty training.)

And any time I clean (which is usually when he’s awake because I refuse to do ANYTHING in the hour and a half that he naps) I invite him to help me, and he’s eager to. Some things two year olds can help with are: dusting, bringing you the dust pan after you sweep (they are not very good with the actual sweeping part, even if they think they are), putting things away, picking up and throwing away trash, and wiping windows or mirrors they can reach. 

HOWEVER. At this age, these chores are not required of him. These ones are optional. Just like there will be optional chores when he is older. But there are chores he is required to do, and he will not get any ‘allowance’ for these when he’s older. These chores are just the common, everyday, decent things every human should have ingrained in them for the rest of their lives he needs to learn to have ingrained in him for the rest of his life.

Dorian is required to pick up his toys at the end of the day to put them away.

When he is done with his breakfast and lunch, I have him carry his dishes to the sink (even if there is food on them). 

And, so help me, he is required to pick up and throw away any trash he throws on the floor.

Sometimes it can add extra stress, because they won’t do it the way you want it done, but letting and encouraging your child to help you with the chores is going to help them not only be used to doing chores by the time they start asking for money, it’s going to help them have basic tidying skills that will be useful later on.

In short, your kids are never too young to start helping out with chores. And I would, in fact, encourage you to start as soon as they can safely handle a fork or a cloth without immediately sticking it in their mouths. Because the sooner they start helping out with the day to day tasks of the house, the more likely they are to continue doing them with little (or less) fuss. (Teenage years aside).

Here’s hoping it’s not too stressful to let your toddler help you around the house.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

Snacks for Baby When You Travel

Good morning Moms (and Dads) as you may be enjoying your first (or fifth) cup of coffee. First, apologies for my unannounced hiatus from the blog. I had to focus on writing my book for a month, which didn’t go quite as planned, but you can read all about that on my writing blog in a couple weeks. 

With the Christmas season quickly descending upon us, I thought it might be imperative to use my ‘monthly food post’ to talk about how to travel with snacks in the car with your toddler and some other quick tips about traveling. 

I know a lot of you will be staying home this Christmas with the looming threat of COVID still keeping many of us separated from our loved ones. But some of you will be traveling for the first time with your little ones to see their grandparents or aunts and uncles, blood or honorary. 

Since my toddler and I regularly drive one or two hours a week to see grandparents and such, I thought I might be able to impart a little wisdom on how to take a road trip with your toddler, focusing specifically on what snacks are good for the car, and what snacks are not. (If you’re traveling by plane, read my blog series about our trip to Chicago)

First things first: if it is at all possible, leave near your child’s normal sleep time, whether that’s a nap or bed time. Or leave early enough in the morning that your child can go back to sleep in the car. Don’t even change them out of their jammies or diaper. 

If your child is awake, one of you should play with your child while the other packs the car. Do not get your toddler into the car or even outside until everything is completely packed. For our family, this means I pack the car because I grew up helping (watching) my dad pack and repack the car like a Tetris master. So I’m quite a bit better at fitting everything in than my husband is.

If you’re going more than three hours away, be prepared to add at least a half an hour for every extra hour with stops for your rambunctious, bored, toddler. Maybe look ahead of time to see if there are any interesting places to stop on the way. Maybe look for some trails to walk or parks to play at so your kiddo can get out some of their massive amounts of energy. I would also encourage you to stop to eat lunch as this is another opportunity for your little one to get a break from the car. Look for a place near a park and take your lunch there, or a place with a playground (if they’re open). 

Just remember that even if you pack new fun toys or your kid’s favorite things to play with, they have a lot of energy in that little body and are going to need to run around at some point. 

But, also remember, that they will amazingly stick pretty close to their sleeping and snacking schedule as if they’re at home. (But if it’s a little off, don’t freak out. It’s just going to be one of those weird days).

So. Now that we have all those little tips out of the way: snacks.

When you’re shopping for your road snacks, get things that are in individual packages. This makes it easier for you to just open it and hand it to your kid without having to worry that they’ll eat the ENTIRE bag of Smart Popcorn you got for the family to share and promptly puke. 

And avoid things like fruit cups or yogurts, even if they’re gogurt or danimals style drinkables. Only have these options for when you’re stopped, otherwise your car will be a complete disaster. The only liquid snack I trust my kid with in the car is a fruit pouch. But you’ll have to discern whether your toddler can handle that or not. 

As far as what to drink in the car, we only allow Dorian to have water from a reusable water bottle or a 360 cup because water won’t ruin your interior and from those cups he shouldn’t be spilling all over the place. When we stop he can have milk or an Honest Kids  juice pouch or Hint water box, but in the car, it’s just water.

Some great snacks that come in individual packages are the Ritz cracker sandwiches. The Mini ones. At Target or Winco you can find a big box with both peanut butter and cheese crackers in the cracker or max pack snack section. Dorian loves these and they are a great, filling snack.

Another great snack (and the way Dorian gets his veggies) is to get fruit pouches out of the baby section. They have some that have quinoa or barley in them too. But you’ll have to try them out on your child. Dorian is starting to move out of liking fruit pouches, but he has NEVER liked the ones with Kale or oats in them. I don’t know if it was a flavor thing or a texture thing. But I always knew that he wouldn’t eat Kale. 

While you’re in the baby section of Target, look for the Bamba peanut butter puffs. Dorian absolutely loves these. Now, they try to trick you, because they have two bags and both are big. But one is just a big family bag of PB puffs, and one of them is a value bag of snack packs. Get the snack packs if you can. I’ll talk later about what to do if you have just family packs of snacks.

Bars are another excellent snack. You can get fruit bars, nut butter bars, chewy granola bars, or even the Cliff kid’s protein bars (I would highly suggest staying away from the brownie flavored Cliff bar, though, my kid starts jumping off walls with that one). Some bars can be found in the baby section, and some in the snack section. These are great though because you can get a good amount of nutrition from the nut butter ones.

If you don’t have to worry about peanut allergies, another great, filling snack is Peanut Butter Balls, found in the peanut butter aisle. These come in a variety of flavors. The ones I’ve seen are: Double Peanut Butter, Graham Cracker filling, or Pretzel filling. Dorian loves these and as he is 2, I trust him to chew them up. But you have to make that call for your child on your own. If you think it might be a choking hazard, don’t chance it in the car.

For the peanut butter balls, and for any other snack you don’t want to give your kid the bag for, you can either bring snack baggies, or buy these little snack cups. Do note that if your child hasn’t used these before, it might take them a minute to figure it out. And if they’re too young, they might not have the grip strength to use it yet. But this is a great option for portion control (because my kid will literally eat a whole tub of peanut butter balls). Put just a serving in and then (kind of like treat balls with dogs and cats) it takes them a minute to get the snack out, and then a minute to eat it. It turns a little into an activity and since it takes them a little longer to eat, their tummies fill up and they are likely to not overindulge in snacks. 

Now, if you’re fancy, or you have the room for a small cooler or insulated Trader Joe’s bag, you can also pack things like precut, individual baggies or tupperwares of meat and cheese. Or cheese sticks. Or even lunchables. I know, I know, not real meat. But it’s good enough. And they make some that DO NOT have cookies, if you don’t want your kid to have cookies. 

Remember, these are just my suggestions based off of what Dorian likes to have in the car with him when we go to see grandparents. But, when you’re preparing for your trip, just go browse the baby and snack aisles of your local grocery store and see what you think your kid might like. And if you have other friends who have traveled with their babies or toddlers, ask them what they took.

I hope you all have a great, safe, not too stressful Christmas season. Travel well and remember that your car will be filled with crumbs as well as presents.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood. 

Out With The Old, In With The New

When you have kids (especially when you have more than one) the toys can really start piling up. Between birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and all the other ‘I saw this and thought they’d like it’ moments, kids get a ton of stuff. And it can really start to overrun your house.

So what do you do when there are just too many toys and your kid doesn’t even play with half of them?

Donate.

Just an FYI, Goodwill will not take anything that baby sits, bounces, or sleeps in. It’s against their policy to take anything that could hurt baby if it malfunctions, because they don’t want to get sued.

If you have things like bouncers, swings, seats, boppys, or bassinets you’re looking to get rid of, Goodwill is not the place for those. Instead, try to find a second hand baby supply store. Here in town we have a store called Begin Agains for Kids. I can choose to either donate my clothes, toys, and other supplies, or I can ask for store credit and basically trade my old stuff for new clothes. (Highly useful with how fast kids grow). Or, if you don’t feel like you need to get store credit or anything and you really want to help those less fortunate, try to find a charity that helps single moms or foster kids or just poor families with kids. Those are all great options. 

Now, another question you may have is one that I tried to find an answer to: how old does your child need to be in order to participate in the decision to give away toys?

Like, when he was one or younger, I just gave stuff away that he didn’t need anymore. Tummy time mats, the bassinet I had kept by my bed, some baby toys he never played with. But now that he’s older, how are you supposed to handle it? Do you pull an Andy’s mom and go into their room while they’re gone to find stuff and hope they don’t go looking for it some day?

After extensive research with no results, I decided to talk to Dorian about it and go through his toys with him, explaining that some of his toys were good for babies and that he hadn’t played with it in a while, so would he like to give it away so another baby could love it and have fun with it?

So we sat in the middle of the floor with his toys all around us. I organize his toys into five different boxes in our living room: building toys (legos and other blocks and such), electronic toys, STEM toys (shapes, puzzles, engineering, logic toys), and music toys. So we dumped one box out at a time and went through them. 

I’m sure every kid will be different. But we would go through toys and I would only pick out the ones I knew he hadn’t played with in a while or that really are meant for younger kids. Now, here’s the really, really important part. If he said he wanted to keep it, I said ‘OK’ and put it back down.

I don’t want him to be pressured into giving stuff away that he actually wants to keep. And I don’t want him to feel like donating stuff is a sad, terrible thing. I want him to actively choose to give things away because he genuinely is ok with not having that toy or item with him anymore. 

It’s a little easier with clothes, because we just tell him, ‘honey, it’s too little for you. You’ve outgrown it.’

With toys, it’s a little more difficult. 

And if there’s a toy that you think, he/she seriously doesn’t play with this and only wants to keep it because we’re talking about giving it away, here’s my plan for that: take the toy out of their toybox when they are gone or asleep, keep it in a place they can’t see it, but that you can get it if they ask for it. Hold on to it for a couple months and if they never notice it’s gone, it’s probably safe to get rid of it.

Now, I do something partially from laziness, and then as a brilliant idea. I keep the box of giveaway toys where Dorian can see it occasionally. It’s in a hallway we go into a few times a day, but we aren’t actively playing back there, just passing by.

But I’ve left it there because sometimes when we pass by he looks at it and says, ‘no, I want to keep that.’ OR he’ll find a toy in his chest that we’ve already gone through and all of a sudden he thinks it’s a baby toy and we should go ahead and donate it. He’ll say, ‘This a baby’s go in baby box’. So we’ll go back there and he’ll put it in the box. 

The next question is when do you go through baby’s stuff?

Well, I go through his clothes whenever he starts outgrowing them because I can’t stand going to get him something to wear and only finding clothes that don’t fit. 

If you have a sentimental attachment to an article of clothing or a toy that they don’t play with anymore, I suggest getting a box from a craft store or something and creating a memory box. I keep some of Dorian’s hats and cute onesies in there as well as cards from his first couple birthdays and Christmases and the stuff we got from our hospital stay. 

But for toys, we like to go through them between his birthday and Christmas since he gets a good amount for his birthday and I know he’ll get even more at Christmas time. With his birthday being in October, it works out pretty good. But if your kids have birthdays at different times or in the middle of summer that might not be a workable window for you. In that case I suggest doing a purge in the month before Christmas, you can talk to them about kids who might not get much and how donating these toys to places will help those less fortunate be able to get something cool or useful for Christmas. And maybe doing a purge as part of your Spring Cleaning. By then, they’ve had their Christmas gifts for a while and might realize that they haven’t played with something in a while because they got a better version for Christmas. (I plan on replacing Dorian’s tiny monkey guitar with a big kid toy guitar this Christmas). 

It might be a hard conversation to have, but I hate having clutter in my house. And I hate having toys all over the floor just because his toy boxes are full of toys he doesn’t even play with. So it’s a conversation I am determined to have every year at this time. 

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.

2nd Birthday

Have you ever gone along, minding your own business, and then wake up one morning to find your little baby is a proper kid now?

That’s what I felt like when my son turned two. It’s like we had his birthday party and all of a sudden he was this grown little man with sentences and an ability to understand consequences. All of a sudden, my tiny little man is now an actual little man. He’s almost 3 feet tall now and 38 pounds. He’s facing forward in his carseat and his memory for things that have happened in the past is astounding. He still brings up, ‘i see monkeys with JuJuBee, mom.’ (we went to the Brookfield Zoo while we were in Chicago a month ago.) And then he’ll go on to list everyone who was there. It’s crazy!

But aside from him all of a sudden sprouting into someone I can have a conversation with, Dorian has also started having very strong opinions that he can communicate. And, you know toddlers, they tell it like it is. So if they don’t like something, you know it.

Luckily, Dorian loved his birthday. Both his actual birthday and his party.

One of the things I had to research when planning Dorian’s birthday party was when to have his party. His actual birthday fell on a Wednesday, so I had no idea when etiquette said I could hold his party. I guess it depends on what culture you come from, because in some it is exceedingly bad luck to wish someone happy birthday before the actual birthday. But in American culture, a Wednesday birthday means you get your pick of the weekend before or after. (I mean, honestly, have the birthday party whenever it works for your family) Because of family events, we chose to have his birthday party the weekend before his birthday. 

Now, I spent way too much money on this birthday. But I don’t really know how to go any other way. I love party planning and I love decorating. And it was his first big birthday party due to COVID being a big player for his first birthday. 

But we did a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed birthday party. He is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. We have watched Clubhouse at least twice all the way through.

Unfortunately, Mickey Mouse isn’t as big of a thing as it was when my sister was little, so it’s getting harder and harder to find anything Mickey Mouse in party stores. So we had to turn to Amazon for most of our decorations.

Pinterest was my best friend during all this, and I was able to find ideas for things I could buy, that I just made myself instead for like, half the price, since I was spending so much on the jump house and the cake.

First and foremost on my checklist to figure out (after the decorations) is what kind of food to have.

Pinterest is, of course, full of ideas and moms who go way above and beyond with tons of food and cute little treats. Well, I decided that I was not going to have the energy or time to do all that for a two year old’s birthday party. (he wasn’t going to know the difference anyway). So I just did a “hot diggity dog” bar. (A hot dog bar. With all the fixin’s: mayo, mustard, ketchup, relish, sauerkraut, coleslaw, chili, onions, tomatoes, and cheese.) We served this with fruit salad and a veggie platter “from Minnie’s garden” and chips. And that’s all we had. It was more than enough food! Toddlers don’t eat much, and the adults were happy with the food too. 

For drinks, we had what I would have at any of our parties, with the addition of Hint water boxes for the kids. But I found this great sign on Pinterest that said, “we’ve got beers, say cheers” a play (for those of you who don’t know) on the “we’ve got ears, say cheers” catchphrase that is said at least three times each show. So I made my own sign. This was really easy (but only to be used if you’re not trying to turn around and sell it as your own). For our little party, after which I threw everything away, I found images of the signs I wanted: hot diggity dog bar; we’ve got beers; say cheers; gift table; see ya real soon; come inside, it’s fun inside. I put those in a word document, stretched them to fill the page, and then printed it on thick paper. After that I glued them to foam board and taped them wherever I needed them. 

The couple things I could find at Party City were balloons. Their balloon bouquets are great and they have a good number of Mickey Mouse themed balloons. But I was also able to find blow up characters that the kids took pictures with. 

The star of the party was definitely the bounce house. Bounce houses are really cool because it entertains the kids pretty much the whole time. And you can go super big and get one that’s big and three things in one, or you can just get a standard bounce house that comes with interchangeable banners (cheaper). 

And last but not least, what the little man wore to his Mickey Mouse birthday:

I made this super cute shirt based off of one that I saw on Etsy using my Cricut machine and then made matching shirts for Devin and I. To top it all off, we found bulk Mickey and Minnie ears. Minnie’s were more colorful, though, so Dorian opted to wear her ears most of the night (when he felt like actually putting them on).

Well, there you have it. My way too expensive, but not as expensive as it could have been, 2nd birthday party. I figure he only turns 2 once. And I’m probably only having one kid. Also, I remember what my brother was like as a kid and what kind of birthday celebrations he wanted. I only have so many years to throw the party I want before my kid decides a trip to the movies or just a bowling alley party with an ice cream cake (which is totally fine if that’s what makes him happy). But I’ll throw these awesome parties while I have the chance. 

His actual birthday was just about as extravagant as I could get with my tight budget after spending big for his party. BUT, it was extravagant for him. We did things that we don’t normally do, eat, or watch.

To begin with, he watched his very first movie on his birthday: 101 Dalmatians (the original). We gave him choices, and he wanted the puppies. So that’s what he watched and he actually really enjoyed it. He took breaks from watching when it got boring or he came and cuddled with me when Cruella DeVil was just a little too scary. But he enjoyed it pretty well.

Then, for breakfast, Daddy made Mickey Mouse pancakes with whipped cream on top and bacon. Breakfast of champion birthday boys.

After breakfast we went over to Rockin Jump (a local trampoline park) and Dorian jumped for like 2 hours. My body was really feeling it by the end of it. Let me tell you. Jumping on a trampoline takes a lot out of you as an adult. 

After the trampolines, we took Dorian to the park to open his present from us: a strider (bike with no pedals) and he was sooooo excited. He rode for a while, and was getting pretty good at figuring out the balance thing. Then after a little while playing, he told us he wanted lunch.

For lunch, Dorian wanted “Taco Bell chips, mom.” So off to Taco Bell we went for his birthday lunch. 

Nap time was a much needed break and chance for Devin and I to rest our sore bodies from jumping and doing flips and tricks we hadn’t done for years on the trampolines. 

The time after nap was a lot mellower. We just hung out, watched some of his usual shows, opened a present that just came in from amazon: a car mat and some Little People emergency vehicles and recycling truck.

One of the biggest changes we’ve noticed now that he’s two is his imaginary play. It’s blossoming. He plays with his cars and makes them do things that he never did before. 

Dorian was adamant that he wanted pizza for dinner, so we made the regrettable decision of getting cheap Little Caesars pizza. Next time we’ll just get a Papa Murphy’s pizza. I think it’s about the same price. 

Finally. Bed time. Thank God.

Dorian is a busy little boy. And turning two has not slowed him down at all. He has things he likes, and things he doesn’t like. He has the vocabulary to let you know exactly how he feels and the lungs to do so loudly. And he has started sprinkling in the question, “why” whenever I tell him not to do something.

But, you guys, two is my favorite age so far. He is smart and funny. He likes to play jokes like telling me his dump truck is a fire truck and his fire truck is a dump truck. He likes to pretend  to call people on the phone and cooks me pretend food and drinks his pretend coffee with me in the morning while we cuddle and watch Mickey Mouse or Spidey. And it is just so interesting to see the little boy he’s becoming. 

I can tell, just from this week post birthday, that motherhood is only going to get more interesting from here.

Cheers to the messiness of motherhood.